I guess I'm not that tough

They're just a great pain in the ass. They take you for granted, they're great dump-ers. Yeah dump-ers, as if that even a word. Mereka makhluk yang disebut cowok. Cowok as in pacar lebih tepatnya. I mean, boy-friends are really really great, but boyfriends? I don't think so. They tried real hard to get you (or at least made you think they're after you), play with your heart, and after they're bored? Boom! They give you a bitter ending. At least that's what they always give me. Buat gw mereka nggak adil. Mereka yang membuat para cewek-cewek jatuh cinta (bahkan membuat cewek-cewek yang tadinya benci setengah mati pada mereka jadi luluh) tapi mereka nggak bertanggung jawab. Saat udah bosen, mereka biarkan saja wanita-wanita malang itu tersengguk-sengguk sendirian. Sejak itu, gw pikir, that's enough playing around with feelings boys. I've had it. Well, no offense, I know not all boys are like that, but who knows? Maybe I'm just ain't lucky getting those who are real jerks?  

Lama-lama gw pikir, gw gak butuh pacar. Being single sangat menyenangkan. I get to hang around with my friends all the time, gak butuh izin ini itu, dan gak ada berantem-berantem yang merusak mood. I feel tough, and independent. Ya, beberapa bulan belakangan ini. Gak tau juga sih kenapa, yang jelas beberapa bulan belakangan ini, especially after I ended my last relationship, I lost trust. I don't believe in love. It's not that my last boyfriend was a monster or anything. He's actually nice and all. It's just that... I don't know, I just can't trust anymore.

But I guess I'm not that tough. Saat hari ini gw kesal dan bosan, sekedar mencari orang yang bisa diajak smsan, bikin gw ketawa, jadi kuping yang siap ngedengerin ledakan-ledakan amarah dari mulut gw. I know that's a best-friend's job, tapi entah kenapa gw lagi pengen aja berkeluh kesah dengan orang lain. With no special reasons. Mungkin karena liburan ini gw mulai nonton film cinta yang menye-menye lagi? Atau karena salah satu temen gw berencana memberikan suatu surprise gift ke pacarnya? Gak tau juga.someone who I could give cheesy love songs to? or simply someone who I could give my home made brownies to? You know, just simple cheesy stuff like that. I guess I'm not that tough now... Mungkin ternyata gw butuh orang yang... hmmm... bisa gw sms saat gw lagi kesel? bisa buat gw ketawa saat gw nangis?

People come and go, really nice people. I know I just need to trust again. And hopefully when I do, I'll meet my fairytale prince. I hope this time, my heart will choose him and his heart will choose mine. Then, we'll live happily ever after.

N.B:  Lirik lagu Both Sides Now-nya Love Actually yang satu ini lagi menjajah pikiran gw.. it goes like..

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; I've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall.
I really don't know love at all.

 

Play: Both Sides Now